We have to slow the rhythm of rush in our lives so that the best of who are can emerge.
Inevitably in life, a certain level of success will mean embracing the necessity of saying no. I think we all know this. But when and to what do we get to say yes? That's what we cover in this week's podcast.
In this episode of The Portfolio Life, best-selling women's author Lysa Terkeurst shares with me her story of learning to say no and how it led to her eventually getting to say “yes” to the best things.
The Best Yes
Lysa's latest book, The Best Yes: Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demand, is a faith-based guide to making important decisions. And let's be honest — we can all relate to these struggles:
- When do we say no to friends to work on a passion project?
- When do we say yes to family and no to working late?
- How do we stop saying yes to things just of guilt?
Whether it's chasing a dream, prioritizing relationships, or simply wanting to be productive with your time, understanding what your “best yes assignments” are is essential to living a meaningful life.
As the leader of a Christian women's ministry and a successful author and speaker, Lysa's schedule is anything but sparse. It would be easy for her to rush from one activity to the next, always operating in urgency mode. But she does her best to do the opposite.
Every Monday night, the Terkeurst family gathers for a dinner full of conversation and friends and, of course, food. It's a staple in their house and community. This is just one of many things Lysa does to keep herself grounded in what matters most.
It's a simple reminder to herself and her family that relationships, not tasks, are what matter most. And that just may be true for all of us.
In the interview, we discussed:
- Why we can't make more time or find more time.
- The importance of planning out your week ahead of time — and how to use all 168 hours efficiently.
- What it cost Lysa when she got serious about writing.
- Why scheduling in blocks of productivity is the only difference between a dreamer and a doer.
- How Lysa arranges her schedule around her family and not the other way around.
- Why study is something productive people can't neglect.
- There's no such thing as balance, but we can be honest about our struggles with saying “no.”
- Life is unpredictable, but we can be intentional.
- The only difference between where I am today.
- Saying no is not a rejection, but a necessary protection of the things that matter most.
- As soon as you set a priority, a distraction will come (which is why you have to plan your priorities ahead of time).
- Study one topic for an hour a day for five years, you'll become an expert at that topic.
- Making decisions that create dread, disappointment, or drama aren't worth saying “yes” to.
Start saying yes to the best things
If you're ready to start saying no to the good so that you can say yes to the best things, here are some next steps to take:
- Plan your time intentionally. List out all your hours in a week and identify reality so you can identify how much spare time you actually have.
- Schedule work around priorities, like family and friends, not the other way around.
- Fill yourself with good things so that when life squeezes you, good things come out.
- Think about the long-term effects of every decision you make, not just what feels good right now.
- Celebrate relationships, remembering that people, not projects, ought to occupy the sacred parts of your life.
Here's one final quote from Lysa (if you enjoyed this, feel free to share!).
If I say yes, it may feel good today. But wisdom makes decisions that are good not just for today but that will still be good tomorrow. (Tweet)
For practical ways you can start saying no check out Lysa's post 10 Ways to Graciously Say No When You Feel Pressured to Say Yes.
What's an example of a “best yes” in your life — when you said no to a good thing so that you could say yes to the right thing? Share in the comments.