Unsolicited Advice to My Teenage Self

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Dear younger, more idiotic, teenage me:

Teen Jeff

Me at 13.

There are a few things I want to tell you about yourself and your future. Hopefully, they’ll save you some pain.

But before that, here are a few quick updates from the future:

First of all, the Internet wasn’t just a fad. It’s still around. Crazy that people stare at screens all day for work and then go home to do the exact same thing for fun, huh? Well, you’re the only one who thinks so.

Second, no flying cars yet. Yeah, I know. I’m bummed about that, too.

Lastly, you got married, had a kid, and did a bunch of other grown-up stuff. The crazy part? It wasn’t that bad. Which is what this whole letter is about. So let’s jump in, shall we?

Here’s my advice to you, teen Jeff:

  1. “Chasing girls” is a misnomer. The paradox is that you often find the one you’re looking for when you stop looking.
  2. Keep playing guitar and creating art. You won’t regret it.
  3. You will find yourself most contented when you think about yourself the least.
  4. Travel sooner.
  5. Not all commitments are bad. Make some.
  6. The habits you form in the next few years will stick with you, in some form or another, for the rest of your life.
  7. Don’t spread yourself too thin.
  8. Just pick a college already.
  9. Learn more about business. It’s not as evil as you might think.
  10. Get into shape sooner, not for what other people think but for your own confidence.
  11. You don’t have God completely figured out.
  12. Read for fun, even when you don’t have time.
  13. Restlessness is a season, not a lifestyle. Be ready to let it go.
  14. Stop being afraid of what other people think and trying to win their approval. Everyone you’re scared of right now doesn’t amount to much.
  15. Write. For yourself. For others. Just write. (And don’t ever settle for your first draft of anything.) There’s a reason words come to you in the middle of the night.
  16. Buy some stock in Apple. Seriously. You’ll thank me later.

Sincerely,

The older, still idiotic You

Note: My friend, Emily, had this great idea to write a letter to her teenage self to celebrate the launch of her new book, Graceful. If you’d like to join, find out more here.

What advice would you give to your younger self? Share in the comments.

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About the Author

Jeff Goins

Writer, idea guy, difference-maker. I help people tell better stories and make a difference in the world. My family and I reside just outside of Nashville, TN. Follow me on Twitter, Facebook, or Google Plus.

  • http://profiles.google.com/nestergirl Nester Smith

    That?  Was fantastic.

    • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

      really? wow. thanks.

      • http://buddhakat.wordpress.com/ janet

        Fantastic? I concur.
        #13 – a “season” – fist/forearm/elbow pump!
         Aren’t you concerned about  “making changes” in the time loop paradox?

        for me, I’d add: “Congrats you WILL publish a book, but it will be fractal art, not poetry or prose So BE PATIENT with and kind to yourself!”
        :)
        janet / buddhakat

  • Seth Rosario

    So good. Every point was beautiful and true.

    • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

      I appreciate it, Seth.

  • http://rebootingworship.com/ Jamie Kocur

    I think mine might simply say: GET OVER YOURSELF.

    I have little patience for self-absorbed teenagers. Myself included. 

    • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

      amen. now… would you SING it?

      • http://rebootingworship.com/ Jamie Kocur

        Now there’s an idea… I feel a new song a-brewing. Get over yourself… has a nice ring to it.

    • http://www.themakegoodchoicesproject.org/ Michael Hawkins

       Good one!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1135101123 Daniel Ferguson

    *sings high-note* Love it!

    • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

      sings… low note? 

  • http://www.delemares.wordpress.com/ sandra delemare

    My advice would be for my 20s self (maybe I had a delayed adolescence) – I was fairly sensible in my teens – lost my way in the last 2 years of uni.

  • http://twitter.com/SharperThanBlog Nick Ortega

    Great post! I would add:  You are more important to the world than everyone else thinks you are, but not as much as you think you are.

    • http://www.pauljolicoeur.com/ Paul Jolicoeur

      beauti, love it!

  • Alan

    Never even think about picking up any type of tobacco product!
    You will never fully understand girls even after they grow up, so get over it and just go ahead and fall in love. It will be one of the best things you will ever do.
    Quit trying to fully understand God. He is too great for us to ever understand the way He thinks.

    • http://twitter.com/PatWooldridge Patricia Wooldridge

      Hasn’t Jeff written a great post today, Alan. I like your comment to it, too.

        About our trying to understand God: He has shared a thought about that, with us—-”My ways are higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” I am so taken with the way God expresses his thoughts. He can’t be anything but straightforward, and with that, he has quite a sense of irony and a great sense of humor when fitting.  (Why else is he called the happy God?) Have a fine day, Alan.

      • Alan

        Excellent thoughts and comments,Patricia. Thank you!

  • http://justzoejustlife.wordpress.com/ Zoë

    I had a horrible life during my childhood and through my teens. As a result, I was damaged and was coerced into some damaged choices. 

    But if things had been different, or if I had not made the decisions I made, I wouldn’t be the me I am today, and wouldn’t have the children I have, or be married, second time around, to one of the most wonderful human beings on the planet. So really, I can’t even contemplate what I might say to my teenage self. Better to let the past lie, maybe, and live for today.

  • Michael

    I’d tell myself these things:

    - Stop looking back. Yes, it was good but you can’t go back. Look forward and trust God.
    - Make sure. Be absolutely certain about every decision.
    - Take more chances. Yes, that seems contradictory to the last one but it really isn’t (at least not to me).
    - Never stop dreaming. Our dreams and desires are God-given. Go for them at all costs.
    - Find the men at Third Option Men, the men at NoMatterTheCost.org and the men at Ransomed Heart and get to know them – QUICKLY. (These are the places I’ve learned about REAL manhood!)

  • http://keikihendrix.com/ Keiki Hendrix

    My notes to my teenage self…. Let God pick your husband. There is a whole new world out there, discover it. Bored is a state of mind, change your mind. Don’t open the green door. You’re the only one who thinks you know everything.

    Thanks for this prompt. It was fun.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000320041263 Kaleb Kramer

    It’s more what advice would I give me right now, sine I’m not even 16 yet. 

    • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

      nice. hard to have perspective, eh?

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000320041263 Kaleb Kramer

         Yeah. Plus it makes me feel like I’m getting into quantum physics by writing to myself  when there’s only one of me, but it seems to be two of me.

  • http://twitter.com/PatWooldridge Patricia Wooldridge

    What a fine post, Jeff.  When in my very early 20′s I didn’t know (!)  that people  have to choose very carefully when they marry. And so—-to be what my family-by-marriage thought I should be, I put away my talents for art and writing, and my love of horses and riding,  in hopes that, then, they would accept me and not view me as ‘other’. It was obvious that they really didn’t know what to do with me. I threw myself into housekeeping and the raising of 4 great children. Never would I want to be without these exact children, so in that regard, it was worth it, even though in-laws’ views didn’t change.

    My advice to my teenage self, though, would have to be: Do not forget that the talents you have, and the fellow feeling for animals and the less-fortunate, cannot be buried forever. These things WILL surface—someday. It will hit you right between the eyes, and in the heart, when suddenly you can’t stand NOT to write…paint…draw…play the guitar…own a horse and learn to ride it with understanding so that both of you benefit….whatever it is, the day will come when you say, This.Is.What.I.Would.Have.DONE. And that day may come more than once. Your one-time young hopes will come full circle when you are older. Don’t throw in the towel at 20, by trying to impress the ones who are not really that impressed with you. Keep peace with them where necessary, but be true to yourself where possible. Know, too, that you’ll never be too old to keep those interests alive and working when those moments of truth show up.

    • http://twitter.com/MarlynDThomas Marlyn D. Thomas

       I did this a long time ago in a notebook to myself (I think I was like 27) and I am ready to give myself another talking to. http://Ace16.com

  • Martha_Brettschneider

    My advice to my teenage self would be:  ”Be prepared.  Everything you swear you’ll never do, you’ll end up doing (including quitting your high-profile job, living in the suburbs, owning a mini-van, and cleaning your kids’ faces with your own spit).”

    • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

      hah! amen.

  • http://twitter.com/cupojoegirl Eileen Knowles

     I actually wrote one of these letters a couple of years ago.  I think I would say about the same thing I did then:  Here it is:  http://eileenknowles.com/dear-eileen/

  • Kristi

    “That grass is not greener over there; it’s a test.  You have the power to make your own grass as green as you want.  Once you jump over the fence, there’s no going back.  And you  WILL regret it.”

    • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

      love that.

      • Kristi

        Thanks, Jeff.  That has been the hardest lesson I’ve had to learn and it’s resulted in the most regrettable consequences. 

  • http://intentionaltoday.com/ Ngina Otiende

    Ha! Love how you pen off “the older, still idiotic you”.

    Another letter in the future, perharps. Wonder you will sign off :)

    • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

      perharps, indeed. ;-)

  • http://twitter.com/meganwillome Megan Willome

    I would tell myself, “Please stick around. Someday, there will be people who can’t wait for your next thing to come out.” 17 was such a bad year!

  • Laura Parkhurst

    I think I would tell my younger self to be at peace with who you are because who you are is who I am now and I wouldn’t be me if not for that stubborn, frightened, trying to please everybody so they’ll like me girl.  And I like who I am.  So she may have put off her dreams to do all that crazy futile pleasing, but now the dreams seem more valuable then they did back then.  Maybe different choices could have been made, but the thing I wish I had been back then was less afraid.  I have only just begun to be less afraid.  It’s a terribly hard habit to break!  

  • http://www.nickcerda.org/ Nick Cerda

    My #1: Get a haircut and buy a new flannel shirt. You look like a hobo. 

    • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

      amen. who knew grunge wouldn’t last?

      • http://www.themakegoodchoicesproject.org/ Michael Hawkins

         Gosh, I don’t know — I think ‘grunge’ is (sadly) still around. 

  • http://sevensentences.com/ Geoff Talbot

    Great stuff jeff… I often wish it were possible to combine the vigor of youth with the wisdom of experience…. Perhaps that’s why I should work out and take omega 3′s?

    • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

      i think you become wise partly because you lose the vigor.

  • http://www.quietanthem.com/ Renee Ronika

    Somehow, I think this line may bring revelation for people: ”
    There’s a reason words come to you in the middle of the night.” Thank you. 

    • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

      thanks, Renee. adding that one last minute. glad to see there was a reason.

  • bradblackman

    My wife almost bought stock in Apple before it split. She’s still kicking herself for that.

    • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

      wow.

  • http://justzoejustlife.wordpress.com/ Zoë

    I wanted to come back and say something else, because I was surprised by my emotional response to such an innocent question. 

    Life taught me not to have dreams. I was let down too many times. I learned to live just for today (possibly up to next Tuesday, if I’m really daring). Dreams aren’t real. But learning to live for today has its benefits. It means trusting God, which actually breaks all the old chains from the past. So, to all those broken little girls (as I was, even though I was a teenager): You are wonderful. You are loved by God, whose love is so deep that it goes beyond any hurt. Your wounds will only show you more of Him, in the end. Your life is a journey home, and when you finally get there, you will be in His arms. Never give up.I think some days I still need to hear that. Like today. 

  • Shoelady10

    I would say to that frightened, overly self conscious, affection starved teen in my most kindly maternal voice that having a boyfriend will not soothe the ache in your heart, will not necessarily make you happy nor fill what only God can fill in your soul. Also, I would encourage your writing, not dismiss your thoughts or emotions and underscore your value.

  • Knute

    Tom, you’re not as cool as you think  (You’re not cooler either!)
         your kids will love you no matter what, as long as you love them, and then some
         ya, kids, three, all boys
    AND
         don’t hide your pride
         don’t buy the bribe
         push, then glide
         don’t take sides
         Lie (for fiction’s sake)
         try
         buy low
         sell high (but don’t write high)
         Lead a tribe, even, and especially if they’re under 5
         Hug hello
         Kiss goodbye

  • http://www.peterdehaan.com/ Peter DeHaan

    I like your list, but even if I could give it to myself, I doubt I would have listened.

    Regarding #15, write, I’d add two sub-points:

    15a) Keep a copy of everything you write.

    15b) If you ever say, “Someone should write that down,” that someone is you and you better do it.

    • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

      nice.

  • Kittykattykaty

    I LOVE this!!! 
    I would love to go back and talk to myself too…at around my late teens. I don’t know if it would have helped…after all i didn’t listen to my family or my friends, what makes me think I would listen to an older me?
    What I do think though is that I learned a lot by my mistakes, and they have led me to where I am now…so maybe it wasn’t so bad.

  • Darlene Steelman

    Love this post!  I did this a long time ago in a notebook to myself (I think I was like 27) and I am ready to give myself another talking to.  You told yourself a lot of great stuff. :)

    • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

      thanks. i talk to myself a lot. ;)

  • http://www.margaretfeinberg.com/ Margaret

    HA. I love the pic of the 13 year old you. Very classy. 

    • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

      Thanks, Margaret. As you may recall, the Bulls were unstoppable in the 90s. I believe this was around the Threepeat era, but I could be wrong.

  • http://100stories100weeks.com/ Jack Dowden

    Dear Me,

    Don’t forget to breathe.

    -Jack

    PS. Don’t waste so much time on video games.

    • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

      nice.

  • http://twitter.com/ThePirateDad Kyle

    I’d tell the teenage me to be nice, that coolness is overrated, and doc martens aren’t all that comfortable. 

    • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

      hah! truth on all three accounts.

  • Timothyrash

    That was great! I’m going to go write me a letter.

    • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

      Would love to see it, Timothy!

  • http://twitter.com/HopePerlman Hope Perlman

    This was lovely–funny and touching and true!

    • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

      thanks, Hope!

  • http://www.JeffDrummer.com/ Jeff Jones

    Great collection of advice. I agree with it, especially the part about girls. I shared just last week with a group in Tampa about the regrets most of my peers have today based around that area. so many would like a rewind button.

  • Kris

    Love it Jeff!  I also wrote to my teen age self at my place here. . .
    http://www.ponderingsbykris.blogspot.com/2012/09/dear-teen-age-me.html

    Her book is such a great thing.  Teens need all the help they can get;)
    And my husband and I are reading your book right now. It’s as if you pulled the thoughts right out of our heads!  We run a blanket ministry for the homeless just down the road from you and next week is the kickoff for the very first homeless outreach in Bowling Green.

    Thank you for your book.  I’m recommending it to EVERYONE!
    Blessings~
    Kris

  • http://hesthermaybblog.blogspot.de/ hesthermay

    I like this. What’s funny is I only recently found the letter I had written to myself when I was 13. I have posted it on my blog.
     http://hesthermaybblog.blogspot.de/
    I think I am going to take this idea and write back! 

    • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

      interesting!

  • http://somewiseguy.com/ ThatGuyKC

    I love this concept. Might have to give it a try along w/ a funny candid interview of my kids.

    • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

      nice.

  • trekkingthru

    Thanks – you inspired me to write me a letter!! It’s very introspective to the mindsets we develop and encouraging to push through the bad and give credit for the good. 

     We all have a purpose!  Love your writing…

    • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

      thank you.

  • http://kausarbilal.blogspot.in/ Kausar Bilal

    An excellent one! Even at middle age still feel like a teenage…And believe to start a new life all over again from any point…So, one can be a teenage as long as he wants…lovely post!

    • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

      thank you!

  • http://www.bemytravelmuse.com/ Ava Apollo

    Great post.  I especially love #4.  So many people think they’ll put off travel until they retire and, to me, that’s such a waste of youth! 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1445123735 Mégan Miles Alba

    What a great post! I would tell myself: 
    1. It’s okay to take yourself – and life – a little less seriously.
    2. Learn to be comfortable in your own skin. You won’t be happy otherwise. 
    3. Be adventurous and try new things. It’s more fun than sitting home alone watching reruns – and you’ll have some great stories to tell. 
    4. Failure is okay. Just learn from it. 
    5. It’s also okay if you don’t have it figured out. Sometimes not having a plan is the best plan.

  • Mike Fischer

    Great addition Jeff. I love your posts for their diversity and uniqueness.  Not all commitments are bad. Make some. The best advice for teens.

  • Susan

    Jeff, I want to do this and will join in on the idea started by your friend. In my work I write a lot about my childhood. I just chronical the crazy little kid I was. Advice. Hmmmm. I wonder if I would have read it? Well, I read the ketchup bottle if nothing else was available so I supose I would have. Thanks for sharing yours. Come visit the Princess Speaks when you aren’t buried in a book. Oh wair, you write books… Susan

  • http://pureoutside.com/blog Ross Collicutt

    7 and 14 are huge ones for me. Still are. If I could have learned about those when I was younger I would have been way farther ahead. I didn’t realize how important 10 was either until recently. 

  • http://www.pauljolicoeur.com/ Paul Jolicoeur

    I would say, keep writing, don’t take a break. Make it daily.

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