Words Matter

Words indeed do matter, Jeff.

What gets me about the people who blowback against people wanting to stop the use of the r-word is that in every case I’ve seen for a “valid use” of the word there are synonyms that could easily be used as a substitute.

If people really wanted to do it, they could use an alternative word. They just choose not to do it. That’s their right, of course, just as it’s my right to look at them and realize they would rather use a word that many use to degrade my son than take the two seconds to come up with an alternative word.

You weren’t given to extremism in your post. You were taking the firm stand necessary to make people realize the harm done by the r-word. As with other words that are used to insult others that have “valid” meanings, people will continue to use them.

You’re absolutely right, Jeff. I’ve been guilty of the same kind of behavior in the past. I grew up in an environment that equated the word “fag” with the word “idiot.” And that’s how we spoke. Whether we knew it or not, our language dictated how we thought as well.

Our intentions and our personal meaning for any word aren’t nearly as important as the way they land on those who hear them.

The tongue is a dangerous thing. – James 3:3-12

I have a cousin who has Downs Syndrome. He was born when I was 12. Before then, I don’t recall using the r-word very frequently, but I do recall how disgusting it felt the first time I said it after Josh was born.

The truth is, when we call some retarded or gay or jew…what we are meaning is you are are dumb, stupid, your value was just lessened by what you said or did or forgot to do or whatever. And by using the r-word or g-word or j-word, we are making the statement (intentionally or not) that someone who is actually gay, developmentally challenged, or jewish is a lesser human being. Their value is less than ours. That is what we are implying, whether we intend to or not.

And, regardless of his Downs, Josh is not a lesser person. He is amazing. He is smart and funny and passionate. And God created Him with purpose. So the value of Josh is the same as the value of the President of the United States, or Steve Jobs, or Albert Pujols. Every person, gay, straight, handicapped, athletic, jewish, american…was made in the image of God. God determines our value. He determined it from His first breath (anyone know when that was? I didn’t think so.) And He says each person is valuable.

One of the most important things I learned as a communication major in college is that communication is not what is said. Communication is more about what is heard. It’s important to remember as we speak. Regardless of what words I used or what I meant, what was communicated may be something totally different. It may be something I NEVER would purposefully communicate.

Thank you, Jeff. This was a good reminder for me. Aside from the word in question, I needed to be reminded that I should be intentionally speaking life over others.

OK, bro. I need to be careful here, because I might fall into the trap of suggesting that the next good thing is always the next best thing. Kinda like going to church camps. Every year is the best year. Get my drift?

Here’s my point. I’ve become a big fan of your stuff. Your a daily read. But I have to say that this is my favorite post of yours. Hands down, my favorite.

Now… I shall wait until tomorrow, in hopes that that post will be my next new favorite post. See, I’ve already fallen into the trap I was trying to suggest I would avoid in the first paragraph. Hah.

If you have ever wiped the tears of a child with “different-abilities” who has just been called a name you would realize that a little effort to choose kinder words makes a big difference. As a former Special Education Teacher, too much of my day was spent trying to repair and undo damage that was done by thoughtless or uncaring schoolmates and by many of the grown ups in these children’s lives as well.

Children with “different-abilities” in general exude enormous amounts of time and energy trying to keep up with children of so called “normal-abilities” so they don’t get ignored and/or marginalized. After working so hard to perhaps arrive at the same place at the same time as kids with “normal-abilities” then to be met with a slur or thoughtless label could be very demoralizing for them to say the least.

Does it really take that much more time or energy out of one’s day to perhaps listen for a moment first, assess the situation a little and then speak? I know from personal experience that using “People First Language” made a measurable positive difference in my interactions with others in all walks of life.